As such, I am learning that Tyson, too, has reached that pinnacle for me. I want to call and check on him, but I know he's fine. I want to spend more than the time I have to do so, but I know he's got other people looking after him. I suppose it is one of the ideas that in my heart, he is part of my family, and as such, I feel like I want to check on him like I would the critters in my home. But here's the thing. I am his pet sitter. That's a tough one to grasp especially since we so desperately wanted him in our home.
I think I now know how Adele felt every time she came to our little Seattle apartment to visit Claude. She gave him shots twice a day for his diabetes, took him to the doctor when he had an issue, and even brought him Christmas gifts. So, when Claude had to be put down, Adele was saddened as much as we were. Claude had become her ward and as such deserved the full value of grieving his loss as much as we did.
Now, I see this little paw sticker on the back of cars around town and it reads, "who rescued who?" I suppose it takes the best kind of love to know that you can't find where the circle begins. And right now, I have a home filled with pets who are all asleep, taking the preferred cushions and beds or heating pads for their rest and I know that with each rescue my life has grown more full.
It's funny. Almost 8 months ago I thought I was going to bring this beautiful blind Boxer into my home to live with me and my husband and our 2 cats. Still, these some months later, I still get just as excited to see him as I did those first few months. And this last time on Valentines Day, I got a little scared like I wasn't going to have much more time with him. In that, I mean someone is going to find him and fall in love just as much as we did not that long ago. It's bittersweet, really.
That you can learn to love an animal so much that you would do anything for them, and yet their fate is not in your hands; That you are just the pet sitter, the care giver from time to time, but that your affection and love is only intermittent; That you are stalwart and attentive, but your overall place in that pet's life is limited to the babysitter...It makes you feel like there is a missing piece to your puzzle. But and yet, how great the gift is in the interim. I suppose, then, what Tyson has taught me this week is that no matter how much or how little you have to spend with anyone, that it is appreciated if full heart is intended. No time small or great is unappreciated.
Life is about the little variables and the complexities of time. Use them wisely and they will fill you in the times of void. That I don't get to see my husband but that one day a week does not make our relationship weak, especially if I spend the next 6 missing him and waiting to see him again. And if all I had was an inundation of time with him, I wouldn't fully understand his importance in my life. Tyson, like any thing we love deeply, has carved a trench in me, leaving nothing but room for those sought after moments spent in waiting for "the next time."
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